Experience A Loss

I hope members of this wonderful dating site experiencing the end of a relationship as many of us, I decided to post this. My hope is that you'll be able to understand what you're going through and cope a little better. Here is a brief overview of the stages of grief.

There are 5 stages of grief that we go through when we experience a loss. I'll list them for you, in case you don't know them. Except for the first and last stages, these do not necessarily occur in this order.

The first stage is shock, denial. This is the initial "I can't believe this is happening" stage. You may think or feel things like "Maybe we'll get back together" or "This can't be over".

The second stage is depression. In this stage you feel the sadness and pain associated with the loss. You may eat and sleep too much or too little, have crying spells, have little energy, and lose interest in things you usually enjoy.

The third stage is bargaining. In this stage you may be thinking "Maybe if I/s/he had done______(fill in the blank), then we would still be together" or "Maybe if I/s/he will do______, we can make it work".

The fourth stage is anger. You may be angry with him/her, yourself, or both. Thoughts and feelings such as, "How dare s/he ______" or "S/He has really made a fool of me".

The final stage is acceptance. In this stage you finally let go and start moving on.

Bear in mind that this is normal and necessary in healing. Many people get involved in other relationships right away, to avoid working through these stages. That is why rebound hardly ever works out in the long run. You may go through each stage more than once. So if you are angry right now, that doesn't mean that you won't be again. There is no set time limit on grieving. It takes as long as it takes. Recognizing what you're feeling and what stage you're in can help you get through it better.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Either myself or other members will try to answer them for you.

Yes, Thank you very much for the wonderful post. It really helped. I keep hearing about all the stages of grief but I didn't realize how many stages I have already gone through - it gives me hope that I'm getting closer to letting go and getting back to living and being happy with myself, for myself.

Thank you again.

Thanks First Click Friend, that we can discuss this hot problems

I am in total agreement of the grief stages but there is one more to add at the end: Forgiveness.

Inevitably in a break-up, one partner will feel betrayed or 'unseen'....hurt, ignored, humiliated or slighted in some cruel way....which creates or is part of the anger or resentment felt by one partner towards the offender in the aftermath. Forgiveness is very hard to come to and often feels undeserved. There are of course some acts that cannot be forgiven. But once you can forgive, you know you are truly healed. So it is something to work towards even if you can't arrive at it completely.

The trouble is, if we do forgive, what does that say about us? Are we weak and too accepting because we forgave the unforgivable...or noble and strong because we rose above the deed? Neither, actually.....by forgiving we are telling ourselves that we have simply let the bad thing go......have removed it from our mind and heart as a problem. It’s over. How our former partners (or others) perceive us or feel about us because we forgave isn't really of consequence. You can forgive someone without ever saying the words to them. You just have to tell yourself that you forgive them.

There is a very beautiful description of the forgiveness stage in a book called: 'Women Who Run With the Wolves". It's an interesting book in many places most of it too 'out there' and holistic for my taste...and it borders on being Anazazi spiritualistic eco chic.... akin to Robert Bly.....but the chapter that discusses forgiveness and its complimentary stages of grief, is quite good.